Fertility, Pregnancy and Childbirth
If you were going to run a marathon or go on a long journey, you’d prepare for it, right? In fact, you know that the better your preparation, the better the experience. Fertility, pregnancy and childbirth are no different.
The prevailing "wisdom" seems to be that conception, pregnancy and childbirth are mere biological processes to be "optimised" or controlled. These wonders of life are thus relegated to “mechanisms” and chemical cycles, with a bit of random chance thrown into the mix. Biology and physiology are elevated to excessive proportions, but what about time of life, readiness and other realms beyond normal perception or consideration?
My perspectives on fertility, pregnancy and childbirth may surprise you.
"The child is the eternal Messiah, continually descending among fallen man to lead him back to the kingdom of heaven."
At the risk of stating the obvious to anyone who has had trouble conceiving, there is more to fertility than sperm counts and egg viability, although of course these are significant considerations.
For example, it is a curious fact that no contraceptive can 100% prevent conception and no conception plan can 100% ensure conception. On the face of it, it sounds as though two healthy people making love at the right time of the month ought to have a pretty high probability of conception. This does not seem to be the case for everyone, as other factors are at play. So it is my hope with this page that no-one should fall into the trap of thinking "something is wrong" because there is no conception. There may be issues to deal with, but let's not attach some premature judgement to it, which becomes its own obstacle.
For example, there is a great deal that can be done for male and female fertility on a nutritional level. It is not generally a tall order to optimise “the machinery” of conception for healthy couples, and yet this only considers the physical level, where other levels must also be considered.
I do not believe any conception is truly random or accidental, that is, because you evidently had sex at the right (or wrong, depending on how you look at it) time of the month - sure, there are unplanned, unintended and even unwanted conceptions, but this does not mean they occurred without reason.
Neither do I believe that we as a consciousness are a mere product of environment or genetics -- there is a definite “us” who inhabits this body we have and we do not have this particular body or even our particular parents by chance. Our body and parents could be no better suited to us and our highest and best good, whether we recognise and appreciate it or not.
Everything, in fact, is to our benefit in ways we may not have imagined, but restricting our consideration to us and our body for now, we have the body and life that best suits our progress now and we live in the precise time that best suits us now. If this is true for us, then how can our conception have been an accident or a random event? And if it's true for us, why would it not be true for the child we seek to have?
No, we have this body just as it is because it has been carefully selected for us and tailored by us to suit our spiritual needs right now. We may contend over what those needs are according to our desires, but our best interests are being served nonetheless.
So, those who've tried so hard to have a baby, please don't think I'm cruel in saying that perhaps this is not the right time and not unfortunate. It is in fact Perfect Divine Order that no conception has happened yet, if that be the case. This does not mean you should not try - far from it, if by “try” you mean "prepare".
Whose body is it anyway?
I appreciate that this discussion may already be going against the grain of "conventional wisdom" but please consider, the genes of the parents will provide the genetic substance of the physical body of the child. If there is a soul who requires this body for their progress it will be made available to them -- there will be a conception. If no soul requires this body (and all that comes with it) then there may not be a conception.
In Body Electronics we understand that as well as the physical body there is a tangible (even if invisible) emotional body that can significantly alter the form and function of the physical body. In fact, we say that the physical body is an outgrowth or extension of the emotional body. Thus genetics is insufficient to explain all facets of the physical body.
The emotional and mental nature of the parents (in general, before and at the particular moment of conception, throughout gestation and into childhood) is progressively imprinted into the physical body of the child and so it may be that the particular nature of the child's body is somewhat determined by the emotional state and development of the parents, not just their genes, as such. Accordingly, if there is any soul who requires a particular body and environment for their best progress, then if it is not available yet then perhaps there will be a time when it will be available as a result of the ongoing emotional and physical preparation of the parents.
Mother's work is never done...father's out the back somewhere
I make a big deal out of preparation, but it is not just the mother's preparation that is critical, even though she must have the fertile egg and the body capable of nurturing it through to birth. The father not only provides the gene-containing sperm, he provides the impetus for conception and an array of emotional factors that will determine the expression of those genes. The simple message to every would-be parent? “If you're not yet ready (as non-conception may suggest), then get ready.”
The “readiness factors” are somewhat easy to predict on a physical or nutritional level, but will be quite unique and often hidden as far as the emotional or mental levels are concerned and thus may require more ferreting out.
So as I noted earlier, I believe it is a great mistake to think conception and fertility are only matters of biology.
I appreciate that this may seem a little (or very) esoteric for some, but as you're still reading let’s just consider some parallels for a second.
I appreciate that we may not always feel it, but we are all, by definition, fortunate to be here just as we are -- there could be no better time, place and body for us to be in. We simply would not be here, just as our future child will not be here, if it did not serve us to be. Perhaps this is both solace and encouragement for those who are trying.
In many cases, being a good parent, or to even become a parent, requires us to be a good child first. How have we honoured our mother and father, who provided for us the perfect body and environment we required? If we cannot honour our genetic source, how can we honour ourselves? If we cannot honour ourselves how can we become the source of new life and thus honour our children?
You may not always feel like your parents deserve to be honoured in this way, but hey, they do - they did something right and you're it, so honour them for it. I look at this potent issue and how to go about dealing with issues like it in my book, The List - The Art of Constructive Manifestation.
There are many ways in which we can honour ourselves - through good nutrition, good books, good thinking, good associations, etc - and these can all form part of our parental preparation, some factors perhaps more important in our case than for others.
Many can help you with good nutrition, but please contact me if you recognise that some other factor is missing for you and we will see what we can discover.
Being the best you can be and providing a body for the best soul you can
My teacher of many years, Dr Ray, once shared a curious comment with me, which culminated in an understanding that, “if those who can provide the best body for a soul do not, then the soul is relegated to accepting a body less suitable.” The implication is that the soul may or may not have a choice of body; perhaps they will for a time or perhaps they will be appointed to a body. You may take the word “appointed” as you will, but an aspect of “being suited to a body” should be considered.
The practicality of this idea is for us to do the best we can of fitting ourselves to parenthood at every level, that we might “qualify” for the best soul to become available for the body of any child we may conceive. This should not be taken to contradict my earlier statements that the body we have is indeed perfect for us and our conception is therefore no accident or random event. Yet, we must exert ourselves to do the best for a future child for our, and their, benefit.
Love important for conception
If we do not think we can love a child before it is conceived then the impetus for conception is reduced. Love is central to conscious conception. There are loveless conceptions, such as those that occur in rape situations or casual sex, but these are exceptions in the big scheme of things and are “a mark against” the child conceived in this manner, since there is some level of emotional resistance present (if love is absent) during the conception. This may yet suit certain souls as a necessary burden required for their progress but would not be an example of us doing the best we can to provide the best body for a child. In other words, love may not be necessary for conception, but it is a significant influence nonetheless.
There are many reasons we may not feel convinced that we will love our child before it is conceived - perhaps we do not love ourselves, or we do not love our parents and assume the same failings we perceive in our parents are also present in us and thus we're not worthy of being loved; if we cannot see ourselves as excellent parents then this should be marked down on our List as an area of preparation. The conviction or faith that we can and will love our future child is important and may open many doors.
The possibility of miscarriage can be a significant concern for some women. While there may be "external" considerations such as stress, iron deficiencies, or physical problems, again there are emotional and mental considerations also. The inherent nature of the uterus is to hold, to be a receptive vessel. Fear, anxiety, and worry are not conducive to receptivity. Just as love is central to conception, so it is central to holding the foetus throughout its term. Fear and anger, in particular, are not conducive to receptivity. Feeling anxious about being able to hold a child is somewhat of an affirmation that deep down you believe you cannot. I appreciate that, "Don't be anxious" may be rather impractical advice if you already feel anxious, but there are ways to deal with this.
Receptivity is another potent consideration. As part of our preparation we need to cultivate our capacity to be receptive in all ways. This receptivity translates into being able to hold the foetus full term. Anger, stress, lack of love, nutritional and emotional reasons can all tie-in to miscarriage.
Receptivity can be considered to have both yin and yang aspects, even though we may only think of the yin as relating to true receptivity. The yin aspect is that of being receptive like a cup is receptive to hold water; the yang aspect is that of having the tone (will) to hold the cup and contents together, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Read on about Preparation for Natural Birth...
Or, you may want to look at some of the pregnancy and childhood books I recommend.